About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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