No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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