jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Everyone says I win the strip club
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
