Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
