let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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