His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
