Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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