i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
