ya dads aren't the best wingmen
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
