Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
