pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
