You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
