I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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