somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
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