hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
