just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
