I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
