Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
