I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
