Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
