wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
