We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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