Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
