And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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