it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
