yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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