i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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