I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
