Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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