gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
