new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
