in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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