this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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