Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
