I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
