Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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