Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
