her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
