I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize