Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he was CRYING into my vagina
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
