I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
