we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I need to calm my uterus...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
