If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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