guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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