just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
