Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Terrible idea I love it
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize