I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
