she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize