On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
