Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
