god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize