I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We have started to decorate penises.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
