the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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