I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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