Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
