it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
