where am i from again
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
