ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
