In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
