Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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