South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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