Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
