Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Randomize
