Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
