things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
